You will never guess where I ended up to write this. The site of a prior crime… Elephant and Castle. Not entirely sure how I ended up here, but somehow while wandering the Loop trying to find a spot to enjoy a glass of wine and write, I came across it. A little grin as I remember the panic of the last time I was here. You may remember as well. No potatoes on are my menu today just a Cab. Maybe this is the perfect place to sit and write about…
Articulation
In phonetics it’s the adjustments and movements of speech organs involved in pronouncing a particular sound, taken as a whole. In yoga, we talk about muscle articulation as small adjustments and movements you make to each muscle, ligament and bone in your body to set your whole posture in alignment. I’ve learned the benefits of being able to make those adjustments in my language and my muscles to really bring each pose into alignment. I even think that although I have heard the word “articulate” many times regarding speech I didn’t really grasp the extent to which positive articulation could impact my life until I came across it in yoga.
My enlightened digital guide talked me through a downward dog. Feet shoulder-width apart, ankles lowered as close to the ground as I can lifting my hips to the sky, holding my shoulders on my back and lengthening my spine. Often feeling like those things were contradictory and not realizing I could change the length of my spine, I try my best to form each part anyway. It wasn’t until she added the direction “turn elbow creases to the center” that it all began clear. I think this will all become clear to you if you try it too…
So read this paragraph, then try it .. come back when you are done…
Downward dog. Start on your hands and knees. Knees shoulder width apart. Hands under your shoulders, middle fingers pointed forward. Swing your hips back and above your feet. Straighten your legs. Flatten your back. Straighten your arms. Keep your shoulder blades down and on your back. Not up by your ears. Now… Here is the kicker.. without changing your hand position (from middle fingers facing forward) roll your elbow creases so they directly face each other. OK go… come back when you’re done….
…
Did you notice the difference? The muscles that engaged? If not try it again. I promise you will notice. That is when yoga all together became clearer to me. Each posture, pose and movement is broken down to so many tiny pieces and each change you make engages different muscles changing the intensity and benefits I gain from it.
I Think I Thought
If I could make these minor adjustments and gain major results overall, think of what learning to “articulate” my words can do to enhance my communications with others and my psyche! I tried it. Paying closer attention to the words that I use and how they affect me or others I talk to has been incredibly eye-opening. The details make a particular impact and when I make the adjustment I can more finely communicate my thoughts. All of a sudden my responses are more genuine. There have been fewer misunderstandings and I feel like people take away the true meaning of my words. So now.. I can stick my arm straight out in front of me without the aid of the floor to hold my wrist in place and turn my elbow creases toward one another. Or correct my posture by kissing my shoulder blades to my spine instead of shoving my upper arm bones to the wall behind me! Movements so small with such impact.
Now I am exploring a new use for articulation. Why can’t we apply this same concept of making smaller, more exact adjustments to our emotions, the way we are feeling? I’ve traditionally been a plow-ahead type person. Always moving to the next step. Having to be productive, make quick progress. This has dominated my career and both my professional and personal relationships. I’ve just charged on.
So now by trying to more closely “articulate” my emotions, I’m trying to split those up. Maybe charging ahead in one realm on one day and be patient in another on that same day or another. It’s hard to change gears that way, but it may be a real game changer.
Articulation requires specificity and perhaps an enlarged vocabulary. First I need to identify the way I want to feel and the words I would use to describe it. Using the most descriptive words I can think of. Being patient doesn’t mean putting something on the back burner. Those things feel different. Being proactive feels different than being demanding. Being supportive does not mean holding someone up. Being involved does not mean doing the job myself. The first step is to identify the difference, I think. Some subtle.. some not so much. The second is to try them on. Feeling where each appears in my body. Where the tension or focus is.. and what feels better or more appropriate. Being supportive feels light and warm.. holding someone up shows up as tension in my chest. So I can assess for the situation… which feels right. Where do I want to be? Being proactive leads from my chest too… but demanding comes from between my eyes. Each may have a time to be engaged and if I can learn to feel them and identify them in their minute differences, I can recognize when they are engaged and shouldn’t be. Be sure they are on track with how I actually want to react.
This type of articulation has just begun with me and I am excited to try to be so exacting. The balance comes in not becoming overwhelmed in doing it right every time. Learn the technique maybe and make changes over time. Checking in with my thoughts and which path I am headed down to claim the most focus. If I become preoccupied I will be overwhelmed.. so balance and understanding that this can be merely a tool might be key.
We shall see...
1.12.2010
11.28.2009
Holiday Recovery
Its the 28th of November and I can still feel the effects of holiday grazing. Holidays are so rarely one day any more. They are entire weekends. Fourth of July weekend, Thanksgiving weekend... And, like most of us I grew up celebrating every one of them with special foods. Its a tradition I like and am unlikely to dispose of. But choices that I make and the extent to which I indulge are always a work in progress.
Brief summary: Red wine, pizza (night before a food holiday nobody cooks...), eggs, toast, coffee cake, coffee, ham sandwich, baked bree w/ orange fig spread, turkey, stuffing, red wine, mashed potato, sweet potatoes, apples, spinach and goat cheese salad, mince meat pie, ginger bread...leftovers...
The spiral downward usually starts this way. We have a big day, the next we are lethargic and there are leftovers so there is an encore presentation on an only slightly smaller scale and we still have no energy the next day to get chopping and fix ourselves a real meal. So we procrastinate and are "off the wagon" longer and longer.
Every holiday growing up I saw my aunt drink a Pepsi and grab a second piece of cake and say, "My diet starts Monday." And we would all laugh at the line we had heard 100,000 times. But its something we could all relate to. Thinking we'll get back to that diet the next day or the next day. I think there are a few ways I've learned to combat this downward spiral.
1. is to not diet in the first place. If the way I eat is on a continuum there is no starting place to put off. I try to eat well every day. Even on Thanksgiving survey the buffett and choose the most delicious foods that will make you feel good. Same as any other day.
2. is if its your event or you are charged with bringing a dish, make your contribution light and delicious to balance some of the heavier more traditional foods. My contribution to Thanksgiving was the spinach salad with dried cranberries, walnuts, a sprinkling of goat cheese and a very light apple cider vinegrette.
3. is to recognize these days are for celebration and don't beat your self up over a little indulgence. If we concentrate on the meaning of the holiday it is much easier to forgive, sure, but also to not spend as much time at the table or picking off the desert tray.
Giving Thanks for This Meal
Thanksgiving is sometimes downplayed these days. It is glossed over by Christmas decorations already in stores and football and turkey are certainly highlights. Even the parade was mostly cartoon balloons, teen heartthrobs and Rockettes as little Santa helpers.
Thanksgiving is about bringing together people you care about. Being thankful for their place in your life and the things we do have. Right before Christmas we think about all the things we want. But Thanksgiving reminds us what is important that we already have. For some its shelter, some its family and good friends, this season we could be lucky to have a job, and we need to stop and give thanks for those things. That we even have food on our table at all is a blessing and that we have the option to buy and eat it with our famlies. Other famlies around the world are not always blessed in this way and have very different things to be thankful for that we would most certainly take for granted.
I would like to give thanks for my ability to make my own choices. And thanks for my family that, although we have our share of challenges, was healthy enough to be together at my parents for our Thanksgiving meal this year. I can't be thankful enough for these gifts...
Brief summary: Red wine, pizza (night before a food holiday nobody cooks...), eggs, toast, coffee cake, coffee, ham sandwich, baked bree w/ orange fig spread, turkey, stuffing, red wine, mashed potato, sweet potatoes, apples, spinach and goat cheese salad, mince meat pie, ginger bread...leftovers...
The spiral downward usually starts this way. We have a big day, the next we are lethargic and there are leftovers so there is an encore presentation on an only slightly smaller scale and we still have no energy the next day to get chopping and fix ourselves a real meal. So we procrastinate and are "off the wagon" longer and longer.
Every holiday growing up I saw my aunt drink a Pepsi and grab a second piece of cake and say, "My diet starts Monday." And we would all laugh at the line we had heard 100,000 times. But its something we could all relate to. Thinking we'll get back to that diet the next day or the next day. I think there are a few ways I've learned to combat this downward spiral.
1. is to not diet in the first place. If the way I eat is on a continuum there is no starting place to put off. I try to eat well every day. Even on Thanksgiving survey the buffett and choose the most delicious foods that will make you feel good. Same as any other day.
2. is if its your event or you are charged with bringing a dish, make your contribution light and delicious to balance some of the heavier more traditional foods. My contribution to Thanksgiving was the spinach salad with dried cranberries, walnuts, a sprinkling of goat cheese and a very light apple cider vinegrette.
3. is to recognize these days are for celebration and don't beat your self up over a little indulgence. If we concentrate on the meaning of the holiday it is much easier to forgive, sure, but also to not spend as much time at the table or picking off the desert tray.
Giving Thanks for This Meal
Thanksgiving is sometimes downplayed these days. It is glossed over by Christmas decorations already in stores and football and turkey are certainly highlights. Even the parade was mostly cartoon balloons, teen heartthrobs and Rockettes as little Santa helpers.
Thanksgiving is about bringing together people you care about. Being thankful for their place in your life and the things we do have. Right before Christmas we think about all the things we want. But Thanksgiving reminds us what is important that we already have. For some its shelter, some its family and good friends, this season we could be lucky to have a job, and we need to stop and give thanks for those things. That we even have food on our table at all is a blessing and that we have the option to buy and eat it with our famlies. Other famlies around the world are not always blessed in this way and have very different things to be thankful for that we would most certainly take for granted.
I would like to give thanks for my ability to make my own choices. And thanks for my family that, although we have our share of challenges, was healthy enough to be together at my parents for our Thanksgiving meal this year. I can't be thankful enough for these gifts...
11.21.2009
All Aboard the Radio Flyer
Its time I got back on the wagon with my writing. Its been a bit and I have a short stack of drafts I will share with you in the next couple weeks, but I wanted to interrupt the regular flow and give what I consider to be a highly significant update.
Testing 1 2
The journey I've been taking for the last few years in being comfortable in my skin underwent a test this month. I'd like to say I passed with flying colors but I can only say I learned a lot. This Halloween I was invited by someone special to me to a party at his friends' home. I was thrilled! I would meet people who were important to him and have a cocktail or two in the meantime. Although the typical adult female costume generally required adding the word "sexy" to just about any normal profession (nurse, pirate, baker, ...) I had perfected a cute 80s look last year and was convinced I would be the most comfy at the party in my purple high-tops.... thrilled!
Small Wrench
Its a themed murder mystery party. I was assigned a persona. Seriously?... I had just become comfortable playing myself. Now Olive Valderblat or whoever was stretching me. The thing I thought about Halloween was that you get to be a cooler, sexier, scarier version of yourself. Olive and I had nothing in common. She was a 60s school teacher. Nerdy, major math wiz and jealous of her moviestar sister (the hostess). And pretty upiddy about it from what I could tell from my character study on photocopied half-sheet.
Stressful. The 60s weren't my decade. I could fake 50s, 70s, 80s... but 60s schoolteacher was something even google had trouble conjuring up images of. Lucky for me this special guy was familiar with the area thrift stores and took me shopping. My heart hasn't beat that hard flipping through hangers since I was a size 18. How could I do this? How could I take this body that I had worked so hard to feel genuine and authentic in and dress it in hideousness? Hideousness that didn't fit, let alone flatter. I tried on a couple and held back tears.
I really need to master this. I need to separate the image in the mirror from who I am. Even after all that work bringing the two together.
I was so quiet. I took the "better" of the two dresses and quickly moved on. Man... I hope this guy is worth this... We matched it to a fabulous pair of red plastic and rhinestone cat-eye glasses and sprung from the store. Lets compare this briefly to what my date was searching for to wear as a moviestar shipwreck, think Gilligan heartthrob. Awesome.
Haunted Halloween
A few busy days later I left my house for work at 5am with a backpack full of hideous hoping for the best. After work I hopped a train to the 'burbs where the ultimate crime would take place. As if it wasn't enough torture, I spent an hour and a half stewing on the wrong train. How I longed for my purple high-tops... A little time to relax on the couch, a quick shower and it was time to transform.
Deep breaths... not too much make-up, center part, exhale... bad dress, red glasses. I was hoping no one would notice my pumps were black instead of blue like the dress. Lots of hoping associated with this event.
We were on our way.. In the car, all my insecurities that I had worked to put behind me rushed forward. Old boyfriends abandoning me at parties, would the girls accept me without my cute clothes, could I be enough of me to play Olive, with everyone playing characters how could I read the signals to direct me?
I overflowed. Through the deep breaths came sobs and I spilled my beans to this new boy. I told him I would have been more comfortable being naked at this party than what I was in. I considered that serious progress from where I had been. But I had no idea how far I apparently had to go. Being comfortable no matter what I was in or looked like. Whew... Exhausted to think I still have work to do.
This wonderful boy slowed my heart beat a bit by assuring me of his interest and connection to me and how really great the glasses were on me.
We walked in the font door and a lense popped out. Come On! Let me catch a Break! But a blessing maybe, since the remaining lense fogged up it was through the empty frame that I could be introduced around the room by my heartthrob. I could be introduced to all the rockstar guys and girls in go-go boots. Yup. All the other girls got to be typical 60s playthings with one appearence by the always stylish Jackie-O .. and then there was me. In my mismatched shoes, drappy polyester and lenseless glasses. The hostess had my back by apologizing for my assignment, but said I really looked great. Thanks dear. It was too much.
I really wish I could say that I straightened my spine, pushed my shoulders back and worked it. Knowing full well that it wasn't a reflection of me and all that mattered was that I knew me and I had a great date who was looking forward to learning more despite my hounds-tooth disaster. It didn't happen that way though.
I broke out in hives from the synthetics, drank too much red wine, too fast and fled to the bathroom. Sometime I will tell you all about this boy, my date, the heartthrob who quickly noticed my absence and came to rescue me. The one that held me, talked to me and ultimately got me out with the promise of a cigarette which I coughed all the way through. But for today the story ends there. Before long the game was over and I was offered a pair of Hudson's and Lulu Lemon to ease my troubled soul. And of course plenty more red wine.
The moral is, I guess, that the journey may never be over or at least when you think you have it covered the universe will offer a twist to move you to the next phase. Regardless of the costume, I'm still inside. As hard as I have worked to match the inside to the out... its really the inside that matters and my body is just the vessel. Not that I will stop dressing up the outside when I can, but its tailored perfection can't carry the importance it had been heaving.
The journey continues....
Testing 1 2
The journey I've been taking for the last few years in being comfortable in my skin underwent a test this month. I'd like to say I passed with flying colors but I can only say I learned a lot. This Halloween I was invited by someone special to me to a party at his friends' home. I was thrilled! I would meet people who were important to him and have a cocktail or two in the meantime. Although the typical adult female costume generally required adding the word "sexy" to just about any normal profession (nurse, pirate, baker, ...) I had perfected a cute 80s look last year and was convinced I would be the most comfy at the party in my purple high-tops.... thrilled!
Small Wrench
Its a themed murder mystery party. I was assigned a persona. Seriously?... I had just become comfortable playing myself. Now Olive Valderblat or whoever was stretching me. The thing I thought about Halloween was that you get to be a cooler, sexier, scarier version of yourself. Olive and I had nothing in common. She was a 60s school teacher. Nerdy, major math wiz and jealous of her moviestar sister (the hostess). And pretty upiddy about it from what I could tell from my character study on photocopied half-sheet.
Stressful. The 60s weren't my decade. I could fake 50s, 70s, 80s... but 60s schoolteacher was something even google had trouble conjuring up images of. Lucky for me this special guy was familiar with the area thrift stores and took me shopping. My heart hasn't beat that hard flipping through hangers since I was a size 18. How could I do this? How could I take this body that I had worked so hard to feel genuine and authentic in and dress it in hideousness? Hideousness that didn't fit, let alone flatter. I tried on a couple and held back tears.
I really need to master this. I need to separate the image in the mirror from who I am. Even after all that work bringing the two together.
I was so quiet. I took the "better" of the two dresses and quickly moved on. Man... I hope this guy is worth this... We matched it to a fabulous pair of red plastic and rhinestone cat-eye glasses and sprung from the store. Lets compare this briefly to what my date was searching for to wear as a moviestar shipwreck, think Gilligan heartthrob. Awesome.
Haunted Halloween
A few busy days later I left my house for work at 5am with a backpack full of hideous hoping for the best. After work I hopped a train to the 'burbs where the ultimate crime would take place. As if it wasn't enough torture, I spent an hour and a half stewing on the wrong train. How I longed for my purple high-tops... A little time to relax on the couch, a quick shower and it was time to transform.
Deep breaths... not too much make-up, center part, exhale... bad dress, red glasses. I was hoping no one would notice my pumps were black instead of blue like the dress. Lots of hoping associated with this event.
We were on our way.. In the car, all my insecurities that I had worked to put behind me rushed forward. Old boyfriends abandoning me at parties, would the girls accept me without my cute clothes, could I be enough of me to play Olive, with everyone playing characters how could I read the signals to direct me?
I overflowed. Through the deep breaths came sobs and I spilled my beans to this new boy. I told him I would have been more comfortable being naked at this party than what I was in. I considered that serious progress from where I had been. But I had no idea how far I apparently had to go. Being comfortable no matter what I was in or looked like. Whew... Exhausted to think I still have work to do.
This wonderful boy slowed my heart beat a bit by assuring me of his interest and connection to me and how really great the glasses were on me.
We walked in the font door and a lense popped out. Come On! Let me catch a Break! But a blessing maybe, since the remaining lense fogged up it was through the empty frame that I could be introduced around the room by my heartthrob. I could be introduced to all the rockstar guys and girls in go-go boots. Yup. All the other girls got to be typical 60s playthings with one appearence by the always stylish Jackie-O .. and then there was me. In my mismatched shoes, drappy polyester and lenseless glasses. The hostess had my back by apologizing for my assignment, but said I really looked great. Thanks dear. It was too much.
I really wish I could say that I straightened my spine, pushed my shoulders back and worked it. Knowing full well that it wasn't a reflection of me and all that mattered was that I knew me and I had a great date who was looking forward to learning more despite my hounds-tooth disaster. It didn't happen that way though.
I broke out in hives from the synthetics, drank too much red wine, too fast and fled to the bathroom. Sometime I will tell you all about this boy, my date, the heartthrob who quickly noticed my absence and came to rescue me. The one that held me, talked to me and ultimately got me out with the promise of a cigarette which I coughed all the way through. But for today the story ends there. Before long the game was over and I was offered a pair of Hudson's and Lulu Lemon to ease my troubled soul. And of course plenty more red wine.
The moral is, I guess, that the journey may never be over or at least when you think you have it covered the universe will offer a twist to move you to the next phase. Regardless of the costume, I'm still inside. As hard as I have worked to match the inside to the out... its really the inside that matters and my body is just the vessel. Not that I will stop dressing up the outside when I can, but its tailored perfection can't carry the importance it had been heaving.
The journey continues....
8.27.2009
Cheesy Fries
So I’ve already mentioned that I used to eat things because I couldn’t hear through the static. I couldn’t hear my voice and my body through this wall. Admittedly there are times the static is preferable to the signals.
Let me tell you a little story about Cheesy Fries. Over the last three days I have been a little emotional. Pack a late sister’s birthday, a message from the boy who broke my heart and a perceived comment on my seemingly flailing career into three days and I tend to get that way. And today the cure was going to be cheesy fries. I wanted nothing more than hot melted cheese running over crispy, steaming fries. That was going to make me feel cozy and loved.
My first thought as I put away my logo T and matching hat from my day job was where could I find fries like this. I’ve been eating only high-quality cuisine for so long I didn’t know where to begin. I thought of the basic chains that serve terrible food; TGIFriday topped my list. Trouble is I honestly couldn’t even bring myself to walk into one. I just couldn’t do it.
My second thought was that anyone could dump fries in a fryer and slap cheese on top. My options were endless. So I would go back to my favorite downtown, after-work hangout. Trouble with that? I’d already told the manager about my blog and would be way too embarrassed to make that special request. I blog about healthy living. Shit! Again I just couldn’t do it.
So I spent the next 20 minutes walking around the Loop in Chicago trying to find the perfect place to grab my dirty cure. Oooo Hotel Bar! People there would think I was a tourist and not remember me if they saw me on the street. Well that one was closed for a private party. I so dislike eating in chain restaurants that I decided that was my only choice. The staff wouldn’t know me because I wouldn’t come back and no one I know would bother walking in with all the great local grub around. A ha! Elephant and Castle. They won out. Lucky them after the way I have been talking, eh? I sat at a table near the bar, ordered the house Cab and made my special request with an unapologetic giggle. After all I had put a lot of thought into this. Done.
The steaming pile came out quicker then I could hope for. A sip of my Cab and in I dived. The first fry tasted great! Everything I had dreamed of. I should have stopped there. The rest far missed their mark. They couldn’t possibly have lived up to my expectations. They were going to fix me up. Erase the last few days and put me back to normal. That is quite a load for a plate of potatoes and cheddar to bear. I should have known better. I do know better.
Clearly I have learned one lesson over the years, I didn’t finish my plate. I definitely ate way more than I needed to given their failure to make my day… but I did stop, let my bottom lip droop a little with disappointment and had my server take away the rejects. The Cab, though, may never fail.
Its amazing how much time I wasted, and energy and thought. I could have enjoyed a rejuvenating meal at one my favorite places. The odds are I may relapse again at some point and forget about food's inability to cure my moods. The best I can hope for is that I continue to remember faster then 2/3rds of the way through a plate of Cheesy Fries.
Give and Take
Breakfast: Coffee, Perfect Bagel w/ reduced fat cream cheese and salmon
Lunch: Cheesy Fries
Yoga: One Full Forward Bend
What a day!
Let me tell you a little story about Cheesy Fries. Over the last three days I have been a little emotional. Pack a late sister’s birthday, a message from the boy who broke my heart and a perceived comment on my seemingly flailing career into three days and I tend to get that way. And today the cure was going to be cheesy fries. I wanted nothing more than hot melted cheese running over crispy, steaming fries. That was going to make me feel cozy and loved.
My first thought as I put away my logo T and matching hat from my day job was where could I find fries like this. I’ve been eating only high-quality cuisine for so long I didn’t know where to begin. I thought of the basic chains that serve terrible food; TGIFriday topped my list. Trouble is I honestly couldn’t even bring myself to walk into one. I just couldn’t do it.
My second thought was that anyone could dump fries in a fryer and slap cheese on top. My options were endless. So I would go back to my favorite downtown, after-work hangout. Trouble with that? I’d already told the manager about my blog and would be way too embarrassed to make that special request. I blog about healthy living. Shit! Again I just couldn’t do it.
So I spent the next 20 minutes walking around the Loop in Chicago trying to find the perfect place to grab my dirty cure. Oooo Hotel Bar! People there would think I was a tourist and not remember me if they saw me on the street. Well that one was closed for a private party. I so dislike eating in chain restaurants that I decided that was my only choice. The staff wouldn’t know me because I wouldn’t come back and no one I know would bother walking in with all the great local grub around. A ha! Elephant and Castle. They won out. Lucky them after the way I have been talking, eh? I sat at a table near the bar, ordered the house Cab and made my special request with an unapologetic giggle. After all I had put a lot of thought into this. Done.
The steaming pile came out quicker then I could hope for. A sip of my Cab and in I dived. The first fry tasted great! Everything I had dreamed of. I should have stopped there. The rest far missed their mark. They couldn’t possibly have lived up to my expectations. They were going to fix me up. Erase the last few days and put me back to normal. That is quite a load for a plate of potatoes and cheddar to bear. I should have known better. I do know better.
Clearly I have learned one lesson over the years, I didn’t finish my plate. I definitely ate way more than I needed to given their failure to make my day… but I did stop, let my bottom lip droop a little with disappointment and had my server take away the rejects. The Cab, though, may never fail.
Its amazing how much time I wasted, and energy and thought. I could have enjoyed a rejuvenating meal at one my favorite places. The odds are I may relapse again at some point and forget about food's inability to cure my moods. The best I can hope for is that I continue to remember faster then 2/3rds of the way through a plate of Cheesy Fries.
Give and Take
Breakfast: Coffee, Perfect Bagel w/ reduced fat cream cheese and salmon
Lunch: Cheesy Fries
Yoga: One Full Forward Bend
What a day!
8.22.2009
Me and Mine
For as many different people as there are in the world, there is an equal number of ways that people view their bodies. That number increases too, when you take into account the changes we go through as we age and grow.
My relationship with my body now is a very loving partnership. It’s grounded in teamwork and equality. It wasn’t always like that for me. At my largest I didn’t feel particularly fat. I wore bigger sizes (my wedding dress was an 18) and I knew it wasn’t healthy…. Hence all the dieting… But ultimately it wasn’t until I saw what I could be; the clothes, the energy, that I really began to be sad and disappointed by my body. I cried in dressing rooms when the clothes I wanted to wear didn’t fit me the way they did other people. It struck me that they could judge who I was by my weight. I remember looking in the mirror after I had lost weight and thinking that I had never put so much thought into that judgment when I was at my biggest. And in some ways that was a blessing.
But I am not one of those that believe ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is just denial. So often we are smart and aware enough to know the truth. We are just fooling ourselves. I may not have needed to feel judged to lose weight, but I did need to feel healthy and H. I told a friend recently that I may not be the smallest I have ever been, but I am the Happiest I have ever been. I haven’t weighed myself in a lot of years but I wear the clothes I want to wear and they feel good. It comes from the confidence and knowledge that I am making great choices to help me live a long and strong life. It makes me feel beautiful.
Honestly during the sad times, I would look in the mirror and say, “At least I have a pretty face”. It sounds a bit sad but it really helped me to concentrate on all those things I had. Not the things I couldn’t do or fit into. Gradually as I saw the beauty in the small things I had… I respected and loved myself more. I wanted to take better care of myself because I deserved it… I had a pretty face and I could say that there were a few people who loved me. And they were important people to me and I loved them too. If they thought I was worth loving.. I was. I was taking better care of myself and starting to feel better. Its amazing how getting regular haircuts and having my nails or lashes done, made me feel pretty. There is no reason we can’t all feel beautiful all the time. Its optimism and it works for me.
Decent Exposure
I mentioned my blog to a friend recently and he shared a story with me. It made me realize that not all of our relationships with our bodies have to do with weight. My friend talked to me about his conservative upbringing. Growing up your body is a very private thing. The sentiment was instilled in most of us, but it made an impression on him so deep that he was only ever naked during sex and in the shower. Nudity made him nervous and uncomfortable to the point that he had never seen himself naked. So he made a New Year’s resolution. He was going to break out of this mold and visit a nudist resort. Leading up to his scheduled appointment he was anxious and edgy. Exploring dozens of questions repeatedly in his mind…. Will they judge me? Will I become aroused? Do I measure up?
The night before the big visit he decided that he should see what everyone else was about to see. He took a picture. That was the first time he’d really looked at himself. The next day was full of anxiety, but once he got up the gumption to disrobe and step on campus, he quickly settled in. Feeling more at ease in this setting than fully clothed in a place with familiar people. His questions about his body were answered. No they would not judge him. No he would not become aroused because it wasn’t about that. And would he measure up was a non-issue. There was no measuring. Now he wishes he had always felt this comfortable in his skin.
You and Yours
This friend has found the connection between him and his body and it has nothing to do with the food he puts in it. On the flip side, there are people who can’t quite connect their body with who they are. Another friend of mine is constantly surprised by her reflection. When she catches herself in the mirror, does not believe that the beauty and emotions she feels on the inside are accurately reflected in her outer appearance. She is at a different point in her journey…
Where are you in yours?
Give and Take
Breakfast: Coffee, Fiber Plus Bar
Lunch: A concoction made by a friend at Protein Bar
Dinner: Grilled Cheese Wrap, Red Wine
Yoga: 20 minutes of energizing stretches
Fiber Plus Bar: Great source of fiber to jump start my day. Even on-the-go breakfast is important to turn on your metabolism.
Lunch Concoction included: Granola – high calorie source of whole grains, high in protein and fiber, Greek yogurt – a non-fat food that has 3 times the protein of regular yogurt, Acai – a Brazilian berry stacked with antioxidants that an infomercial would say “reduces the signs of aging” which really means it blocks the absorption of the toxins our body and systems are exposed to. A very trendy berry right now, Banana – high in potassium, good for eyes and bones
Grilled cheese: Pepper jack cheese – spicy foods raise metabolism, cheese in moderation gives your body calcium, whole wheat wrap - less carbs and less filling then bread.
Red wine – the only alcohol that could even think of claiming health benefits, its similar to coffee in that the research goes back and forth, but essentially the verdict is in moderation is can show benefits for your heart.
My relationship with my body now is a very loving partnership. It’s grounded in teamwork and equality. It wasn’t always like that for me. At my largest I didn’t feel particularly fat. I wore bigger sizes (my wedding dress was an 18) and I knew it wasn’t healthy…. Hence all the dieting… But ultimately it wasn’t until I saw what I could be; the clothes, the energy, that I really began to be sad and disappointed by my body. I cried in dressing rooms when the clothes I wanted to wear didn’t fit me the way they did other people. It struck me that they could judge who I was by my weight. I remember looking in the mirror after I had lost weight and thinking that I had never put so much thought into that judgment when I was at my biggest. And in some ways that was a blessing.
But I am not one of those that believe ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is just denial. So often we are smart and aware enough to know the truth. We are just fooling ourselves. I may not have needed to feel judged to lose weight, but I did need to feel healthy and H. I told a friend recently that I may not be the smallest I have ever been, but I am the Happiest I have ever been. I haven’t weighed myself in a lot of years but I wear the clothes I want to wear and they feel good. It comes from the confidence and knowledge that I am making great choices to help me live a long and strong life. It makes me feel beautiful.
Honestly during the sad times, I would look in the mirror and say, “At least I have a pretty face”. It sounds a bit sad but it really helped me to concentrate on all those things I had. Not the things I couldn’t do or fit into. Gradually as I saw the beauty in the small things I had… I respected and loved myself more. I wanted to take better care of myself because I deserved it… I had a pretty face and I could say that there were a few people who loved me. And they were important people to me and I loved them too. If they thought I was worth loving.. I was. I was taking better care of myself and starting to feel better. Its amazing how getting regular haircuts and having my nails or lashes done, made me feel pretty. There is no reason we can’t all feel beautiful all the time. Its optimism and it works for me.
Decent Exposure
I mentioned my blog to a friend recently and he shared a story with me. It made me realize that not all of our relationships with our bodies have to do with weight. My friend talked to me about his conservative upbringing. Growing up your body is a very private thing. The sentiment was instilled in most of us, but it made an impression on him so deep that he was only ever naked during sex and in the shower. Nudity made him nervous and uncomfortable to the point that he had never seen himself naked. So he made a New Year’s resolution. He was going to break out of this mold and visit a nudist resort. Leading up to his scheduled appointment he was anxious and edgy. Exploring dozens of questions repeatedly in his mind…. Will they judge me? Will I become aroused? Do I measure up?
The night before the big visit he decided that he should see what everyone else was about to see. He took a picture. That was the first time he’d really looked at himself. The next day was full of anxiety, but once he got up the gumption to disrobe and step on campus, he quickly settled in. Feeling more at ease in this setting than fully clothed in a place with familiar people. His questions about his body were answered. No they would not judge him. No he would not become aroused because it wasn’t about that. And would he measure up was a non-issue. There was no measuring. Now he wishes he had always felt this comfortable in his skin.
You and Yours
This friend has found the connection between him and his body and it has nothing to do with the food he puts in it. On the flip side, there are people who can’t quite connect their body with who they are. Another friend of mine is constantly surprised by her reflection. When she catches herself in the mirror, does not believe that the beauty and emotions she feels on the inside are accurately reflected in her outer appearance. She is at a different point in her journey…
Where are you in yours?
Give and Take
Breakfast: Coffee, Fiber Plus Bar
Lunch: A concoction made by a friend at Protein Bar
Dinner: Grilled Cheese Wrap, Red Wine
Yoga: 20 minutes of energizing stretches
Fiber Plus Bar: Great source of fiber to jump start my day. Even on-the-go breakfast is important to turn on your metabolism.
Lunch Concoction included: Granola – high calorie source of whole grains, high in protein and fiber, Greek yogurt – a non-fat food that has 3 times the protein of regular yogurt, Acai – a Brazilian berry stacked with antioxidants that an infomercial would say “reduces the signs of aging” which really means it blocks the absorption of the toxins our body and systems are exposed to. A very trendy berry right now, Banana – high in potassium, good for eyes and bones
Grilled cheese: Pepper jack cheese – spicy foods raise metabolism, cheese in moderation gives your body calcium, whole wheat wrap - less carbs and less filling then bread.
Red wine – the only alcohol that could even think of claiming health benefits, its similar to coffee in that the research goes back and forth, but essentially the verdict is in moderation is can show benefits for your heart.
8.13.2009
Context
A quick note about why any of this matters. About why I care if my body is on my team. Why I care if we communicate well and back each other up.
I eat well to nourish my team. I nourish my team to help us communicate. I communicate clearly so we can move forward. I move forward in order to contribute, to leave the world better than I how I found it. I leave the world better to return the gift God (or whoever put me on this earth) gave me to experience all the amazing things the world offers. I believe in God because it gives me context.
At some point I think we all question why we are here and what we should be doing about it. I think I am here because God put me here.. You may have a different answer when you ask yourself. And as far as what I should be doing about it.. That is always a work in progress.. but I feel like the more centered I am and the more I can feel of the world around me, the closer I am to discovering the answer. When you listen to your body so closely you can feel your heart and you can hear the way it is asking you to go.
Simplified yes, but those are the basics. Giving me purpose is one thing. Keeping it on track is a whole challenge in and of itself. Baby steps….
Thank You
I wanted to take this post to quickly say thank you. I am grateful for the loyal reading of this blog by friends and friends of friends and as of today... even strangers. And slightly amazed at how many of you can find something in my text that strikes a cord with you. To me that shows how so many of us are in this together. How many of us feel against our bodies at times and want to feel better. As you read if you come up with anything you would like to share or have questions about, please email me. (sskvarla@gmail.com) The type of discussion that would follow is infinitely valuable to me. Also feel free to comment on a post.
I eat well to nourish my team. I nourish my team to help us communicate. I communicate clearly so we can move forward. I move forward in order to contribute, to leave the world better than I how I found it. I leave the world better to return the gift God (or whoever put me on this earth) gave me to experience all the amazing things the world offers. I believe in God because it gives me context.
At some point I think we all question why we are here and what we should be doing about it. I think I am here because God put me here.. You may have a different answer when you ask yourself. And as far as what I should be doing about it.. That is always a work in progress.. but I feel like the more centered I am and the more I can feel of the world around me, the closer I am to discovering the answer. When you listen to your body so closely you can feel your heart and you can hear the way it is asking you to go.
Simplified yes, but those are the basics. Giving me purpose is one thing. Keeping it on track is a whole challenge in and of itself. Baby steps….
Thank You
I wanted to take this post to quickly say thank you. I am grateful for the loyal reading of this blog by friends and friends of friends and as of today... even strangers. And slightly amazed at how many of you can find something in my text that strikes a cord with you. To me that shows how so many of us are in this together. How many of us feel against our bodies at times and want to feel better. As you read if you come up with anything you would like to share or have questions about, please email me. (sskvarla@gmail.com) The type of discussion that would follow is infinitely valuable to me. Also feel free to comment on a post.
8.11.2009
My Blog Is Late
I said I would post Mondays and here it is Tuesday afternoon. I made a conscience decision last night to go to sleep instead of publishing my post. Turns out the choice was pretty appropriate. I wanted to talk about another thing we need to give our bodies in addition to the healthy fuel and careful, deliberate movement.
Sleep
Every person needs 6.5 to 7.5 hours of sleep per night. Our bodies use that uninterrupted time so effectively and we don’t even have to participate. That is our reboot time. After we enter the famous REM sleep, after about 90 minutes, we get to work calming all our systems and getting them back in rhythm.
There might be more impact in saying how Not getting that much sleep is detrimental to your team. One of the things your body does during good sleep is secrete a substance that tells your body you are full. Ever wonder why you can go 8-10 hours without eating overnight, but not as long during the day? If your body doesn’t have a chance to release that because you don’t sleep long enough or soundly enough the more likely you are to overeat during the day. Also more likely to be too tired to make good choices for your team that might feel like more work to a tired body.
In the day following a lack of sleep, we are more likely to use sugar and soda containing high-fructose corn syrup to get us through the day. Those block this secretion too and we tend to eat more. Double Whammy!
Perfect Example
I got a total of 8 hours of sleep, evenly split between Saturday and Sunday nights this weekend. It was infinitely harder to give myself the things my body needs on that amount of sleep. I didn’t have the energy to do more than a total of 25 minutes of yoga over the two days and I woke up hungry both Sunday and Monday mornings. Resulting in poor choices in the food department which of course causes a ripple effect of not feeling on top of things. I believe there may have even been a stop at Dunkin for an egg and cheese croissant. Not only that but the pure mental capacity was limited. I had this general feeling of being off center, a little fuzzy and unable to connect the dots that I can on a day centered by sleep and natural fuel.
So last night I decided to end the cycle. Go to bed. Get a good night’s sleep and post a day later. You all got a better post for it. I hate to think what I would have put out there last night.
Sometimes we make “sacrifices” to do well by our team. It’s a strong word to describe the choices we make, but whatever the emphasis on the things we give up, our team needs to come first.
Give and Take
After 2 days of subpar giving, today we are back on the right track.
Breakfast: All Bran Cereal w/ skim milk
Lunch: Market Salad at the Sidebar Grille
Water, Cranberry Juice
Sidebar Grille is one of my favorite after-work cocktail spots in Chicago. Big salad menu which I love. (Order your dressing on the side for more control. True anywhere.) The Market Salad is fantastic. So many great, fresh veggies that may not make their way into your routine otherwise. Including…
Avocado - helps keep cholesterol in check, decreasing the bad kind and increasing the good!
Cucumbers -your body burns more calories digesting them than they contain, “negative calories”
Hearts of palm - great source of protein, iron and calcium
Tomatoes - contain the folate that helps prevent cancer
Fresh greens. Yum!
Sleep
Every person needs 6.5 to 7.5 hours of sleep per night. Our bodies use that uninterrupted time so effectively and we don’t even have to participate. That is our reboot time. After we enter the famous REM sleep, after about 90 minutes, we get to work calming all our systems and getting them back in rhythm.
There might be more impact in saying how Not getting that much sleep is detrimental to your team. One of the things your body does during good sleep is secrete a substance that tells your body you are full. Ever wonder why you can go 8-10 hours without eating overnight, but not as long during the day? If your body doesn’t have a chance to release that because you don’t sleep long enough or soundly enough the more likely you are to overeat during the day. Also more likely to be too tired to make good choices for your team that might feel like more work to a tired body.
In the day following a lack of sleep, we are more likely to use sugar and soda containing high-fructose corn syrup to get us through the day. Those block this secretion too and we tend to eat more. Double Whammy!
Perfect Example
I got a total of 8 hours of sleep, evenly split between Saturday and Sunday nights this weekend. It was infinitely harder to give myself the things my body needs on that amount of sleep. I didn’t have the energy to do more than a total of 25 minutes of yoga over the two days and I woke up hungry both Sunday and Monday mornings. Resulting in poor choices in the food department which of course causes a ripple effect of not feeling on top of things. I believe there may have even been a stop at Dunkin for an egg and cheese croissant. Not only that but the pure mental capacity was limited. I had this general feeling of being off center, a little fuzzy and unable to connect the dots that I can on a day centered by sleep and natural fuel.
So last night I decided to end the cycle. Go to bed. Get a good night’s sleep and post a day later. You all got a better post for it. I hate to think what I would have put out there last night.
Sometimes we make “sacrifices” to do well by our team. It’s a strong word to describe the choices we make, but whatever the emphasis on the things we give up, our team needs to come first.
Give and Take
After 2 days of subpar giving, today we are back on the right track.
Breakfast: All Bran Cereal w/ skim milk
Lunch: Market Salad at the Sidebar Grille
Water, Cranberry Juice
Sidebar Grille is one of my favorite after-work cocktail spots in Chicago. Big salad menu which I love. (Order your dressing on the side for more control. True anywhere.) The Market Salad is fantastic. So many great, fresh veggies that may not make their way into your routine otherwise. Including…
Avocado - helps keep cholesterol in check, decreasing the bad kind and increasing the good!
Cucumbers -your body burns more calories digesting them than they contain, “negative calories”
Hearts of palm - great source of protein, iron and calcium
Tomatoes - contain the folate that helps prevent cancer
Fresh greens. Yum!
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